


Paroxysm

by punknpie



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Watcher (web series)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, His music inspired this angst, Hurt/Comfort, I blame Hozier, Idiots in Love, M/M, Mutual Pining, No Covid-19, The Ghoul Boys (Buzzfeed Unsolved)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:07:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24050320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punknpie/pseuds/punknpie
Summary: par·ox·ysm/ˈperəkˌsizəm/noun1. a sudden attack or violent expression of a particular emotion or activity.2. a sudden recurrence or attack of a disease; a sudden worsening of symptoms.or, Shane isn't an emotional kind of guy, until he is.
Relationships: Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej
Comments: 55
Kudos: 174





	1. Harmful

He begrudgingly slunk his arm over to the nightstand to check his phone. Again. The bright light of his screen drew a hiss from his lips.  
  
4:38 a.m.  
  
_Jesus fuck._ Shane groaned internally, wincing at the tingles in his left arm. Upon it was the cause of his turmoil- Ryan.  
He'd rolled over in his sleep about 2 hours ago, his head coming to rest upon his upper arm.  
Shane hadn't slept a wink. This episode was based in an empty cottage in the middle of nowhere, and as usual, Ryan's most valiant of efforts turned up with no evidence of ghosts. All his whims and bits had Shane lying awake hours later, grinning at how cute his co-worker is.  
  
_Ryan._  
  
Shane was hyperfixated on him, on the warmth bleeding into his shoulder. The tingling in his arm had long been forgotten.  
  
He couldn't think straight.  
Shane refrained from chuckling at the irony in that, at not being straight. He'd die if Ryan found out. Shane tilted his head down to glance at him. He was fast asleep, despite how frightened he was when they arrived to the location. What remained of his fear dissolved the moment his head hit the pillow.  
Ryan looked so defenseless like this. Vulnerable, soft...  
  
Shane could hardly stop himself from reaching out, from moving closer. Fuck, he was _right there_. He could smell the familiar scent of hotel shampoo and herbal tea, of Ryan's laundry detergent and cologne. Shane always takes comfort in this, in the moments they'd share together but never really awknowledge.  
  
Except for right now.  
Ryan's soft exhales tickled his neck and gave him goosebumps. He thought of the way their relationship had snowballed, slowly developing more and more. What had started as an innocent work crush had grown into something new, evolved into these feelings of Shane's that couldn't be held back anymore. It started so minuscule, so manageable. It's development had been so gradual it was as if it had been this way all along- as if he'd always loved Ryan.  
  
Shane shivered. This was going to be a long night.  
_How long_ , he wondered, _can I keep this up?_  
  
He gave in, bringing his hand to caress Ryan's cheek. His hand skated his stubble so lightly it was as if he'd hardly touched him at all. Hardly anything, yet it was everything. Shane's heart bloomed with the touch, feeling all of the colors of the rainbow at once. He felt his lips curl up into the fondest of smiles.  
  
But whatever he felt, he knew this was wrong. Shane knew what he was doing, but the thing was, he wasn't only taking advantage of the situation.  
He was hurting himself.  
He knew he'd never get a chance. Why was he so keen on fantasizing, on _torturing_ himself? He has spent nights picturing Ryan beside him, and days dreaming up scenarios that have no chance of occurring. And for what? To give himself hope?  
Slowly, and reluctantly, Shane drew back his hand. With that, he felt empty once more. He shook his head in shame.  
  
His eyes closed, and eventually, he drifted off to sleep. He secretly hoped to dream of Ryan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! I plan on posting the next chapter next week. Future chapters will be longer. Stay tuned if you liked chapter one, and don't be afraid to comment!


	2. Distraction

Shane's sleep was dreamless.

He awoke to the sun streaming through the ratty curtains of the sole window in the bedroom. Squinting, he could make out a shape in front of the window.

"Ryan...?" Shane called out for the only person he cared to see, for the first one that came to his mind. His voice broke audibly with drowsiness.

The figure came forward and sat on the bed, which squeaked with age. There was a strong scent of cologne, but it wasn't Ryan's. When Shane blinked his eyes, everything came into focus. To his disappointment, TJ sat there- not Ryan. He was saying something Shane couldn't focus on; his mind was elsewhere.

He caught the tail end of it: "-yan's in the car waiting. He got your stuff ready, just get dressed and come on out man."

TJ didn't wait for much of a response; he seemed satisfied with the fact Shane was awake, at least. He rose from where he sat and turned to stride out of the room. Before he left, he hesitantly lingered in the doorway. He looked... troubled? Shane opened his mouth to ask, but before he could find the words, TJ spoke.

"Ryan wants to talk to you about something, so everyone else is going home in different cars."

The fool couldn't find much to do besides nod briskly, heart in his stomach. What could he need to talk to him about? Privately, at that? TJ left, closing the door after him. Shane hardly noticed.

The skeptic was brought out of his haze when a notification drew a ding from his phone. Upon grabbing it, he noticed 7 notifications: one text from his mom, 4 from Ryan, and 2 calls from TJ. He checked out Ryan's texts first.

Ry Guy  
  
**Today** 9:17 AM  
Hey man u weren't up so I packed ur shit  
**Today** 10:23 AM  
Dude get up we need to talk  
**Today** 11:39 AM  
Ok it's almost noon I'm sending TJ  
**Today** now  
Get ur ass out here lmao  


Shane chuckled in spite of his worry. Might as well get dressed and see what this is all about.

Upon further inspection, his suitcase was packed just as promised. Disorderly, sure- but manageable. He pulled out the turtleneck Ryan seemed to love so much and got ready to hit the road.

_This is going to be a long car ride._  
  


* * *

  
  
Upon walking out to the car, he found Ryan leaning against it- waiting for him. His back was to Shane as he looked out at the mountains that surrounded the area. The shorter man donned the flannel shirt he had lent him last season, and Shane immediately began to have a hot flash despite the chilly weather. _Damn._

"Hey man, sorry for sleeping so late. Ready to hit the road?"

Ryan turned to him, breaking out into his signature grin. It took Shane's breath away- just as it does every time- and he couldn't help but mirror his expression back at him.

"Yeah, man," Ryan smiled. "I was thinking about hitting a café on the way for brunch, is that good with you?"

He could've said anything and Shane would've agreed. Fuck, he's so gone for him. He agreed, of course, and they jumped into the car.

* * *

It was halfway past noon by the time they reached the café. Even though they were only in the car for half an hour, Shane still gladly took the chance to stretch his legs and get a bite to eat. The crew decided that he and Ryan would take the orders inside, then bring the food out to the cars.  
The café was small, yet welcoming. A friendly employee called from the counter, "Hey there, welcome to Jittery Joe's!" The duo greeted her, and Ryan took to reading off the orders from his phone. 

Shane took the opportunity to look around the place. There were fairy lights hanging in one corner, giving the surrounding booths and tables a sense of coziness. Various works of art covered the walls, most having something to do with coffee.

There was one, though, that caught his eye: it was a painting of two hands, joined with their fingers laced together delicately. He couldn't help but think about Ryan, about their hands interlocking. He thought of the seance from the Goatman episode, the seance from the Mystic Museum episode on Watcher, and every instance that they ever held hands- every instance of contact. Shane's mind flooded with thoughts of Ryan, with thoughts of reaching out and just _touching him._

He turned to gaze at him then, to look at the shorter man as he waited for the orders to be prepared. He, too, was looking around the café, wonder in his eyes as he took in the art around them. Shane felt as if he could bask forever in this one moment. Just him and his best bud. Every inch of his body tingled with warmth as he looked at Ryan.

Then, he caught his line of sight. Shane took a step backwards as Ryan's eyes gazed into his own. An intense stare, but his expression was so soft. There was a light in his eyes, and the look he gave the Shane took him by storm. The Ryan inhaled and his lips parted as if to speak- but by then, the employee was informing them of the completion of the orders, and he glanced away to pay for the food. Shane sighed. _I'm so fucked._

* * *

The warmth of the moment was left behind in the café as they carried the orders back out to the crew. The brisk breeze made Shane's face sting, his hair becoming even more of a mess than usual.

He was grateful to get back into the car, and to turn on the heat as soon as it was cranked. Ryan awkwardly stooped down to return to the driver's seat, both hands taken with a coffee and bagel. He ended up placing the bagel into his mouth so he could slam the door shut and pull the seatbelt across him.

Shane couldn't help but chuckle at his friend.  
"Need some help bud?"  
He absentmindedly reached out to take the bagel from Ryan's mouth, deciding that could somehow help, but his finger brushed Ryan's lips by accident. He shot Shane a confused look as he sat there, frozen, with the strongest urge to kiss him. 

It did help Ryan plug in his seatbelt, though. The duo remained quiet as tension filled the car.  
Ryan broke the silence when he finally piped up,  
"Dude, can I have my bagel back?"  
They both laughed and carried on as if it never occurred to begin with.

_Like we always do._

* * *

They were cutting up and laughing for the next half hour, spieling banter back and forth. It wasn't until another comfortable bout of silence set in that Ryan mentioned why they were riding separately from everyone else to begin with.

"Hey, uh- Can we talk about something?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! I hope you enjoyed chapter two. Nothing like a cliffhanger to create some anticipation! Chapter 3 should be out by next week.


	3. Prose

The GPS spoke, "You have arrived."

Shane felt Ryan's hand on his arm, gently rubbing him awake.

"We're at your place, big guy."

Shane hesitantly sat up in his seat, rubbing his eyes to rid of the haziness. He cursed his dry contacts, and himself for being too lazy to remove them before his nap.

"Oh. Yeah."

It was dark as hell outside. He had to squint to make out his friend's face, his figure shockingly close and leaning over to him. He felt small with the way Ryan looked at him. How long has he been asleep?  
He didn't remember the drive being that long.  
Ryan was right there, like always. Shane could feel the warmth radiating from him, and he wanted to bury himself in it.  
As soon as he noticed his friend's heat, though, he pulled away.

"Want me to help bring your bags inside?"

Ryan's words were so softspoken, as if he was afraid to startle him out of his slumber. Shane wanted so badly to lean over and close the very inches between them.  
He didn't dare. _Easier said than done_ , he lamented.  
Shane felt discombobulated, like he was forgetting something. Then, it clicked.

"Didn't you want to talk to me about something, Ry?"

Ryan looked at him with a half-smile. He quickly frowned to mumble, "It's not important now."  


"Like hell it isn't important. Didn't you tell me you wanted to at the café?"

He shook his head. "No, man- you fell asleep pretty much as soon as you finished your bagel. You probably dreamed it, dude." He laughed, but Shane didn't think it to be funny.

"Well, it's still impor-"

Ryan interjected, "We should get your bags inside. It's getting late." And with that, he was out of the car and hauling Shane's cargo from the backseat.  
His stomach churned with anxiety, and his head was pounding with every negative thought possible to conjure up. He sighed, opening the passenger door and ducking out of the car.  
_Why is this so important to me?_

Upon seeing Ryan under the parking lot streetlights, he noticed he now donned Shane's favorite jean jacket. Noticing Shane's pointed glance, Ryan shrugged, excusing it with something like, "It got cold in the car, I hope you don't mind."

"You just like taking my clothes, huh?" He was joking. Shane didn't expect much- it was a joke, it's not like this was some bullshit highschool romance.

Ryan's lips parted to murmur, "Something like that," then he started walking to the first set of stairs that led to Shane's apartment.

He didn't say much of anything in response to that. 

His palms were sweating as he gathered the rest of his bags, slinging them on his shoulder and slamming the trunk of his friend's car.

Ryan was already to the landing between the flights of stairs. Shane shook his head, jogging to catch up.

* * *

They put the last of the bags on Shane's couch, Ryan vehemently proposing his theories for the "haunted" location they just left.

"For the last time, Ryan, I don't think a coughing sound is proof of ghosts." He chuckled as he looked towards the believer, who was absolutely beaming with the cutest smile Shane had ever seen.

Ryan giggled, "It could be! The guy died from fuckin' tuberculosis!"

The skeptic rolled his eyes for what must have been the eightieth time, arguing, "Okay, so by that logic, a ghost of someone who drowned is gonna- I dunno, gargle like a lil' fish? They're gonna go 'glub, glub'?"

Ryan snorted and laughed like he said the funniest joke he had ever heard. "Fuck you, dude," is all that he came up with in response. With that, Shane knew that he had won.

His friend's face gradually became solemn again as the conversation came to an end.

"It's, uh… It's getting late, man, I should get going."

Shane's expression immediately dropped. "Ah, damn. I forgot we had work tomorrow."

His friend nodded, slowly making his way through his living room to get to the door. Shane childishly wished for him to spend the night. 

Ryan opened the door, looking back at Shane and smiling. "Have a good night. I'll see you at work tomorrow."  
He was about to leave, taking a step from the doorway. Shane panicked and grabbed his arm, making his friend jump.

"Wait."

Ryan whirled around to look at him, his face looking strangely hopeful. "What is it, dude? Can't get enough of me?"

He hardly thought before he replied, "Something like that."

His friend's lips parted again, as if he was about to speak, but he didn't say anything. Instead, Shane said the first thing that he came up with.

"Stay safe, yeah? I heard there was supposed to be a storm tonight." That was a lie. There wasn't going to be a storm. He just had to come up with something, _anything_ to see him for just a little bit longer.

Ryan looked almost disappointed, but he grinned nonetheless. "I'll be safe, big guy. I always am."  
He lingered a bit, and eventually he shrugged off the oversized jacket and handed it back to Shane.

With that, he left, and Shane was left staring after him in his doorway. His footsteps echoed all the way out of the complex. After he saw the car pull away and vanish in the distance, he retreated inside, shutting the door behind him.

Bypassing his bags, he went directly to get ready to sleep.

Right before he got in bed, he held the jacket to his chest and breathed in the lingering smell of _Ryan._ He laid down with the jacket, cuddling it almost as if it were a stuffed animal.  
_How juvenile am I?_ He laughed at himself.

Just as he began to doze off, he rolled over onto his side. The jacket made a small noise- a crinkle. Almost like paper.  
_What the hell?_  
Shane reached his hand into his jacket pocket, pulling out two pieces of paper: the Knott's Berry Farm admission ticket that he had placed there himself, and a foreign, folded scrap of paper.  
_Did Ryan put this here?_  
He sucked in a breath, unfolding the note with unsteady hands.

i love you


	4. Sacrifice

_Could today have gone any worse?_

* * *

Shane shuffled through the office as if he'd just risen from a coffin. With little to no sleep last night, this was the last place he wanted to be. He got his usual morning coffee, letting the rising steam caress his face. He reached into his left pocket, fidgeting with the note for the millionth time to know it was still there. What the hell was that about? Secretly, he hoped Ryan left it for him.

He plopped down at his desk, tilting back his _Unsolved_ mug and sipping his coffee. What were the chances of Ryan seriously being in love with him? Shane grinned at the thought of him, fiddling with the note in his pocket. Maybe there was a chance for him, after all.

  


After a few minutes of typing away at his desk, he heard Ryan's cheery voice from across the office. Shane smiled as his co-worker made his way over to the desk next to his.

But Ryan didn't even look at him. He simply sat down his belongings and continued walking. No 'good morning,' and no smile. Shane's smile dropped immediately. His eyes were glued to Ryan as he wound his way through the office.

When Ryan reached Sara's desk, Shane could hear him ask if they could talk. What the hell was going on? _Since when were they close?_ Sara seemed to agree, and they made their way to the staff room next to the coffee machine.

Well, Shane wasn't the type to meddle, but he felt compelled to hear what was happening. What did he not know about?  
His temptation won, and he rose from his office chair to retrieve Ryan's empty mug from his desk. He tried his best to inconspicuously amble towards the coffee station- nothing wrong with getting a coffee for his best bro, right?

He took his time, slowly picking a coffee flavor as if he wasn't sure which to choose- like he didn't already know the exact type of coffee Ryan made every morning. Shane listened out, pausing for a moment to evaluate what he could hear.

There was a high pitched voice- Sara.  
"Well... --ow did it go?"

Shane cursed the way their voices came out muffled from beyond the door.

Then, Ryan's voice. There was no mistaking that- Shane could find Ryan's voice in a crowd of millions.  
"I --ouldn't do it."

 _Do what?_ The need to know what was happening with his friend shut down everything else Shane could think of. He paused, not even bothering to pretend to fix Ryan's coffee anymore.

"--y not? Too chicken?"

Shane resisted the urge to chuckle.

"I didn't want Shane-- disgusting."

 _What?_  
Suddenly, he felt as though he couldn't breathe. It was like he forgot how to exist beyond hoping for this chance with Ryan.

Ryan spoke again.  
"I left a note--... pass it as an accident. Maybe I--... meant it for someone else."

Shane could hardly think or feel anything.  
It wasn't meant for him?

All traces of hope faded from him. He'd loved this guy for years- fucking years- and the moment he has a chance, it turns out it wasn't his chance to start with? _Fuck._

Shane forced his hand into his pocket, snatching out the bullshit note. With a shaky hand, he shoved it into Ryan's mug- face up. _'I love you.'_  
He hoped he'd see it. What for, Shane didn't know, but he knew he wanted Ryan to see what he'd done. He left it at the coffee station. 

He marched back to his desk, gathering his belongings. He'd spent years enmeshed in Ryan, and Shane couldn't untangle himself from the way he had him wound up. His co-workers started looking his way, whispering amongst themselves. Shane couldn't bring himself to care.

His head was foggy, and he relied on autopilot to get him back to his car. Anyone he came into contact with was told some excuse about 'being sick.' His weary mind was blank besides one repeating word- _disgusting._  
He stumbled out of the office building, and his lip began to quiver. The walk across the parking lot felt long as his eyes stung and his body felt heavy. Finally, he swung open the car door, and as soon as he ducked down to sit in his seat, the tears started.

Since when does he cry? He flexed his long, trembling fingers as he gripped the steering wheel, trying to focus on anything but what he heard.

_'Disgusting.'_

Shane pulled out his phone with a clammy hand, typing an impulsive message to Ryan.  


Ry Guy  
  
**Today** now  
i can't do unsolved with you anymore ryan  


He just needed to get home.

* * *


	5. Cacophony

The first thing he heard was his ringtone.

Shane's head pounded with the residual headache of his breakdown earlier that day. Blinking rapidly, he fumbled with the blanket to try to find his phone as it rang. When had he fallen asleep?

Finally, the forest of blankets gave way to a clearing. His phone vibrated violently against the sheets, and the screen was brightly lit with the contact card of the caller.

_Ry Guy._

On his screen was a picture of him and Ryan at Knott's Berry Farm, a day he will always remember as the best of his life. In the photo, Shane is shown holding his friend bridal style. He distinctly remembered Ryan suggesting the pose, and feeling like his heart would burst at the mention of holding his best friend. His heart nearly broke to have to set him down. 

_Fuck._

Shane let the call go to voicemail. He couldn't confront Ryan. He just couldn't.

He scrolled through his notifications, sickened by the 7 texts and 4 calls he saw from his friend. Ignoring them, he ventured to tap out some excuses to his other concerned co-workers. What was he supposed to say to Ryan? 'Sorry, man- I can't work with you anymore because you think I'm disgusting, but _boy howdy_ am I in love with you!'

Yeah, he didn't see that conversation working out too well.

Eventually, though, he reasoned that he could at least read the messages Ryan had sent him. What could be the harm? Shane held his breath and tapped the notification from his friend.

  


Ry Guy  
  
**Today** 8:52 AM  
i can't do unsolved with you anymore ryan  


**Today** 9:18 AM  
Why not?  
 **Today** 9:26 AM  
Hello?  
Where are u  


**Today** 11:22 AM  
Shane answer me  
**Today** 12:47 PM  
Dude  
I can't focus on work until I know wtf is going on  
**Today** 5:39 PM  
I'm coming over  


  
After reading the last message, a sharp chill ran through Shane's body. His eyes flicked up to spot the current time- 5:46. _Shit. Ryan's probably gonna be here soon, and-_

There was a loud, insistent knock on his apartment door.

  
Shane cursed under his breath, knowing it could only be one person. He slowly stood up from the bed, padding his way through the apartment. With a quick check in the mirror, he realized his eyes were still red and puffy, and he was in pajamas. _Well_ , he mused, _Ryan's seen me worse._

The knocks continued.

"Okay, okay." Shane ambled towards the door, in no hurry to confront his co-worker who, surely, was angry with him. A shaky hand unlocked the deadbolt and came to rest upon the handle.

Slowly, he turned it.

He heard Ryan's voice before he saw him. "Shane?"

The skeptic peeled his eyes open (when had he shut them?) to see his friend standing at his door- crying.

"Ry? I-" Before he could mumble anything else, Ryan abruptly lunged forward. His trembling arms came to wrap around Shane's lanky frame, and his head rested against his chest.

"Tell me it isn't true," Ryan wept, his voice cracking. "It has to be a bit, right? This is all just some- some fuckin' prank?"

Shane's chin came down to rest on the crown of his friend's head, and he wrapped his long arms around Ryan's shaking torso. He couldn't bring himself to say anything, and a tear rolled down his own cheek as he felt Ryan sob into his shirt.

"I told Sara we shouldn't have done the stupid plan," he mumbled, his words vibrating against Shane's chest.

Shane retracted his arms, shoving his friend off of him. "Is that what you came here to do?" His voice boomed, echoing in the hallway of the complex. "You came to rub it in my goddamn face that you're crushin' on someone else?" His face felt hot with anger as the tension between them came to a head. He emphasized his words with motions made from shaking hands.

Ryan shook his head insistently and rattled, "No, Shane, listen!"

But he didn't want to.

Shane whirled around to storm back inside his apartment. "Don't come here yappin' about your bullshit plan- because clearly, I'm not the guy you're looking for, Bergara." Shane's hand slammed down on the door handle, about to swing it shut in Ryan's face.

Before he could, he felt a warm hand on his cheek guiding him to look towards Ryan.

His skin looked soft as the setting sun shone light upon him through the open hall of the apartment. Shane wanted to wipe the wetness off his friend's cheeks, just to replace it with the warmest of kisses. Ryan's hair was tousled, and his shirt was wrinkly. It was so _endearing._

All the anger Shane felt was gone, and all that was left was the most ethereal love he'd felt in his entire life. The way Ryan cupped his stubbly jaw was definitely not platonic. Was it? 

"Shane," Ryan spoke, his voice rough and broken. "You _are_ who I'm looking for."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I just start with THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR ALL THE KIND COMMENTS!! Every time I check my inbox I smile so much I nearly cry. Thank you, you guys are the reason I still write this fic.


	6. Redamancy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It's not a joke, baby. If you can believe in ghosts, you can believe in me."

"I- what?"

Shane was, yet again, left speechless in front of who he believed to be the most beautiful man on the planet.

"Let me in," Ryan murmured, lips parting gorgeously with the syllables. Of course, Shane nodded his head, entranced by his friend. _If witchcraft were to exist, I'd say I was under his spell._

Ryan only dropped his hand from cupping Shane's face when he began entering the apartment. It was a wreck- bags still on the couch, dishes unwashed, the usual- but if Ryan noticed, he didn't say anything.

Shane helplessly followed him, shutting the door as he watched his friend push his belongings onto the floor to sit on his sofa. "Come here," he invited, patting the cushion on which he wasn't sitting.

Shane sucked in a breath, practically stumbling to the couch. Once he plopped down and faced Ryan, he spoke.

"I dunno how to say this, Shane, because I know how you feel about me liking you-"

Shane was quick to interrupt. "Hold the phone, Bergara- what in the hell are you talking about?"

Ryan stared at him incredulously. "What are _you_ talking about, dude? When you found out I liked you after I gave you that stupid note, you told me you were quitting the show."

 _What?_ Shane's voice wavered as he sputtered, "But- But the note was meant for someone else, Ry, why would I quit the show just for you having feelings?"

His friend shook his head so hard he probably got dizzy. "Shane, are you serious? The note was meant for you, dumbass!"

Shane quirked his eyebrows in confusion. "But you told Sara-"

"I told Sara that if shit hit the fan, I'd pretend it was just a bit or that it wasn't for you. Of course it was your note, Shane, who else would I give it to? I've been in love with you since fucking day one!"

Shane's heart felt as if it would burst. His large, shaking hands came to cup Ryan's stubbled jaw, feeling as it were the most natural thing in the world.

"Do you know why I told you I was quitting the show?" He looked deep into Ryan's dark eyes, feeling as though he could lose himself in the way he gazed back.

"Why?" He sounded as if he were about to cry again, and his eyes shone with tears.

"Because I thought you were in love with someone else." Shane's thumb caressed his friend's cheek, his eyes softening. Ryan let out a short, weak giggle.

"This isn't a bit, Shane," he breathed, sounding scared. He leaned into Shane's touch as if he were afraid it would be stolen away from him. "This is the realest shit."

Shane's lips pulled into a joking smile. "Hopefully realer than ghosts and demons, yeah?"

That earned him a punch on the shoulder, but at least Ryan was laughing now. Shane found that they had gotten very close to each other, with his friend nearly on his lap. As much as his brain told him not to, told him to stop and that it was irresponsible to do this with a co-worker, his heart said yes.

"Ryan," he spoke, voice hardly more than a whisper. Ryan's eyes softly gazed into Shane's, asking a question, his eyebrows raised. Shane knew he had to answer.

Instead, he leaned forward, lips nearly brushing Ryan's. The smaller man's leg was over his own now, his hand pressed into the cushion beside Shane's thigh. He felt Ryan's breath warm his face and saw his eyes slowly flutter shut.

_How could this be wrong?_

He pressed forward, his lips finally touching his Ryan's.

_There's no way._

His hand wove itself into Ryan's hair, drawing him closer as the smaller man pulled himself onto his lap. Shane felt like he was dreaming as Ryan's tongue found its way into his mouth, and the way he wrapped his arm around his waist was hardly in typical bit-fashion. _This has to be for real. It just has to be._

By the time their lips parted, Ryan was panting. _Jesus fuck._ Shane took in the view: the way his friend's kiss-bruised lips gaped open in surprise, his flushed cheeks, the way Ryan leaned into Shane as he sat in his lap.

"Shane."

Their eyes met once more- heaven and hell, fire and ice. Shane's lips twisted into a grin instinctively. 

"Hmm?"

His gaze was immediately diverted as Ryan bit his lip. "Please tell me this isn't some bit," he pleaded. "Because I swear to God, man-"

"It's not a joke, baby." Shane cooed. "If you can believe in ghosts, you can believe in me." 

Ryan began to grin at him. Their foreheads came to rest against each other's. _It's not perfect, but it's us._

"I love you, little guy," Shane murmured. 

There was what sounded like a sigh of relief from Ryan.

"I love you too, dumbass."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As much as I love destroying my readers and dominating their souls with angst, I also love spoiling them with endless amounts of fluff.


	7. Enclosure

* * *

_Later that night..._

* * *

"Shane?"

Somehow, in the depths of his rest, he hears him.

"Shane."

The man in question stirs from his sleep, rolling in the sheets. His eyes don't open. Sleep threatens to take him over again, burying its claws into him and pulling him down, until he hears the voice speak again.

"Baby..."

His heart faltered in his chest. This finally woke him, remnants of sleep finally leaving him as he opens his eyes to see Ryan. "Ry? What-" he yawned, "-what's goin' on?"

The smaller man shuffled through the blankets to nuzzle his face into Shane's chest. "Baby," Ryan repeated. "Baby, baby, baby." Shane brought his long arms around him and pressed a kiss to the crown of man's head. The scent of his now-lover intoxicated him, the remnants of their shared shower from earlier that day on his skin. "What is it, sweetheart?" 

Ryan's hands fisted into his t-shirt as he clung to him. "Had a nightmare," he whined, leaving a soft kiss on Shane's neck. He felt as if he were in heaven. "Ry, baby, lemme make it better," he murmured as he pulled the smaller man on top of him. The duo rolled around in the sheets, Shane's back then against the mattress and them laying chest to chest. Ryan wiggled down the bed, resting his head against where Shane's heart beat wildly- calm, yet nervous at the newness of it all. Ryan then looked up at Shane, giggling as their eyes met.

"We're a giant burrito, dude."

They shared a chuckle, drifting back to sleep in the safe darkness of Shane's bedroom. The framed butterflies, old movie posters, and singular cryptid poster (that, of course, Ryan gifted to him) protected them in the moment. Before Shane gave into his sleepiness, he saved the sight to his mental scrapbook. His lover clung to him like a spider monkey, limbs sprawled and head on Shane's chest.  
  
_He's all I need._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a drabble :) I've been working on a few other fics; sorry for the late update!
> 
> Edit:  
> I've edited all the chapters and rewritten parts that needed some work. Thank you for coming on this journey with me!
> 
> I'll definitely write more in the future, but here's where the story ends for now. Thank you for the support, comments, and kudos. ❤️


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